dawnmatthewsphotography

So well project kylie has started but to be honest due to a month of illness it’s been more a case of putting the ground work in and a lot of thinking and rummaging through magazines and asking unsuspecting people what their thoughts are on self-image.

Shockingly the worst responses I got are from the under 25’s which I found quite a surprise ……. Nearly all of them plaster their facebook pages with endless images of themselves taken with camera phones but I learnt from them that they just accept they are not happy and aspire to be like the models in magazines (some we know take these to extremes believing that they need to starve or go under the knife to be perfect – not even considering any other factors only the visual)

But as I went to the over 25’s I found a divided group – those that were happy and accepting of their looks and those that had just given up and were taking the just laugh at myself attitude because I have too many other things to think about route.

So self-image it appears is perceived as just the visual elements so  I am going to just deal with that.  I looked on the internet for images that best describe how I feel I look (some were if nothing else quite hysterical but probably pushing the point too much) and how if I made a bit of an effort I would like to think I came across ……………..  now for this I am aware I have slightly exaggerated the situation by my choice of picture but bear with me on this ….

On the left is how I feel I look and on the right is how making the best of what you’ve got really does work  ….

So this raises the issue of effort (to be fair there are very few of us who don’t have to make any effort so I wonder do we lose the will to make some when we have found a partner or just as we get old ?)  I don’t even think time is the ultimate factor in this either perhaps it’s just better planning

So for this next four weeks I have tried to factor in making more of an effort with as little disruption to my life.  I have today taken a photo of myself and will take another after the four weeks … so I will let you know if making a little more effort helps with my self-image ……

but it does beg the question .. is this the reason why most brides don’t mind having their picture taken?  After all the effort that is usually put in pre-event planning and preening means that they do look their absolute best!

So this is me ………………………………………

A couple of weeks ago I did a pre-wedding shoot and then I went to Birmingham and spent a short period of time at Focus at the NEC. Not directly connected but one subject came up at both and that is perception …..

I’ll start with the pre-wedding shoot. Lovely couple both individual and full of character both attractive in there uniqueness ….. and clearly completely in love with each other. Now I would be lying if I said that it started off well … a bit wooden and uneasy would be nearer the mark …. both not quite sure what to do in front of the lens …. they both know me so I would have thought it might have been easier. Anyway the bride to be confessed at some point that she hated all pictures of herself …. well in reality the majority but the most poignant thing she said was “I think  it’s because in my head I don’t look like I really do”. This isn’t an age thing its actually something that an awful lot of people suffer from ….. myself included. It really made me think and I have mulled it over for days.

This brings me on to Focus where I bumped in to the lovely Stephen Cotterell, (who on the few occasions I’ve met has for some reason always seems to part words of wisdom and encouragement without you completely realising until you walk away), who commented on my very red hair. Now Stephen knows I hate having my picture taken and as we discussed the shoot on Sunday he challenged me to stand in front of the camera and pull faces and worse than that the fact that I should maybe do a boudoir shoot. The mere thought completely threw me ……. but I realised that I also suffered from the fact that “maybe I don’t look like I really do” syndrome too.

So I have spent the last few days contemplating how I feel about how I look ……. and ……. like everyone there are parts I don’t mind and parts I can’t stand … but I have to accept that I don’t necessarily make the best of what I do have ……….. and if that is the case would I feel differently about myself if I did?

As an experiment I’m going to see if this is the case ……. and I am going to do this as a 12 month photo project (to be fair I should have done this ages ago but well I’ve put it off far to long) to see if it makes any difference to how I feel ………

So there are the usual culprits on the list to tackle – the middle age spread (or contentment cushion as I like to call it), the car maintenance element (or the pampering – in truth the bit I think I will like the most – well apart from the gym bit) and the spring clean section (life – work – out with the old and in with the new …… habits that is and not the long suffering husband) to deal with.

I’m going to call it the “being Kylie project”!! …….. and it starts now !  (and if goes to plan I may well do that Boudoir shoot!)

ps I know its unlikely I will be tiny slim, flat chested or capable of singing at the end of it!

On the 14^th of January I had the honour of being part of Marianne and Dave’s day, a day I’m sure they won’t mind me saying was full of every emotion under the sun.  The weeks leading up to their day had been thought with bad weather.  But on the morning of the 14^th the sun did its very best and banished the clouds from the skies and gave us all a feeling of happiness (before we get carried away we still needed our thermals)

There was a sense of calm at Marianne’s house, in fact so calm even as I was watching the time mum was cooking bacon butties followed by washing up in her wedding clothes (yes I still have the picture) even though we were running a bit late. 

At the Bartle Hall all was calm, the groom was calm if not a bit nervous, the hotel was all set up and looking fantastic.  The staff ever helpful and fully organised for the day ahead and in the sunshine the gardens looked amazing.

The whole day was just a pleasure to photograph, the quests valiantly put a smile on their faces whilst freezing to death, the bride just looked amazing all day and the groom had the biggest smile on his face I’ve seen.

We even had a play in the gardens with some light painting but more than anything it was one of those weddings that will always bring a smile to my face ……….

Congratulations again to Mr & Mrs Aughton and thank you for letting me be part of your special day -

So Friday I went to Edinburgh Zoo, primarily to see the Pandas, and yes before you say it I don’t want to know about how useless they are at looking after themselves, they are still in my eye a beautiful animal.

We had to wait to see them so the penguins got a look in too – they are hilarious – funnier than I thought they would be in real life, and I might add speedy little critters when they get in the water.  I had two camera’s with me but thought I would have a play with my 50mm, not the lens for this sort of thing really but none the less I had a play

And I just want to say and you will see by my first two pictures even animals don’t want to have their picture taken.    They were fine until everyone started staring at them, but like children and many adult’s they soon came round – I think it was pure curiosity or the sheer shock of my newly coloured bright red hair (I know how they feel it scares the life out of me every morning! But I like it really).   Also and this might mean nothing to most of you the first time I have taken pictures without my glasses (contact lenses).

Anyway back to the plot so on a sunny cold day in Edinburgh I got see the Panda s – well only sunny as typically the male had man flu – I mean had had colic and was recovering.   She was without doubt as beautiful a creature as I had imagined (if not a bit lazy in the posing department).  I will be going back to see them both when it gets a bit warmer and all the other animals that decided it was too cold to come out and play ………… so watch out later in the year I will no doubt post a panda update ……

I went to Aspire – a name we’ve all seen banded about Facebook and Twitter – but I went to Aspire!

Now here’s a thing – I love taking pictures, I love faces, I love people and in contrast I love bridges (well we can’t forget the bridges – ooh the lines and fluidity – see I can’t help it).   Anyway I went to have a nosey and to see what Aspire were all about.

I had in fairness met the enigmatic Catherine Conner before – and yes she was still as enigmatic – I would describe her as a business woman first, a realist second and a stand-up comedian third (she won’t thank me for that I am sure) but the message she delivers is one of passion, belief, understanding mixed with a touch of the headmistress who encourages and wants you to succeed.

Anyway, the reason I went – I went to see what they could do for me, I already take the photos, I have some weddings booked, a renovation project to document and an exhibition to prepare for later this year .   The day was informative and certainly gave me some things to think about – Bubbles!   Yes Bubbles – I have nice round bubbles of ideas, plans and things to learn and get better at – I need to tease them in to some order – I need to be better at business, I need to define completely what I’m about and I need to dare I say it be more grown up in my approach to what makes me happy (but not too grown up)

One thing that really struck me today was that yes I do ASPIRE to get this right and yes I do think that sometimes we need someone to put the jumbled filing cabinet in our heads in to some order  – we know that sometimes we already know all the things we need to do but its making some sense of it and having the confidence to do it that matters.  When Catherine Connor stood up and said right at the beginning of the day we’ve had some great people through our doors …….. well watch this space …….

Oh and I’ll collect my shoes soon Catherine – my heads was too full to remember everything!

Thank you and your team for a lovely day!

One week in to the New Year and another blog ……..

So my project this week was to do a self-portrait – easy you would think …… wrong!   Unfortunately I am not a teenager who loves nothing else than to whip the mobile out aim a camera at myself and press go …. far from it … after all I didn’t grow up in that generation.  To be honest I’m not good at having my picture taken by anyone let alone me.   But for today I have taken one (not imaginative or exciting just a picture taken at arm’s length – literally).    My face is essentially made up of the same bits as everyone else; eyes, nose and mouth so how difficult can it be – well in truth pressing the take button isn’t difficult – what is difficult for me is firstly what my brain says it sees with all its insecurities, dislikes and likes and then because I take the odd photo or three the quality of the image.

During the week I have spoken to individuals that have, might or might not book me and I guess every one of them will have the same feelings as me when I looked at my picture, some to a greater or lesser extent.  The initial impression and then the fine tuning…. we make it so hard for ourselves.  It is true what the say – sometimes you need to be in front of the camera to be better behind and vice versa, and not forgetting we are our own worst critics.  I just see uniqueness, emotion, expression and beauty in the people (and for that matter animals and objects) I take pictures of therefore its about time maybe we all viewed ourselves in a more positive way.

So one of the things on my list of wants is to be more accepting of me – who I am and how I want to grow in the future …. it starts here…… so this is me!

(Lets hope it catches on people!)

Blackpool New Years Ever 2011

So 2012 is finally here!

I spent my first day lazing around and putting off the resolutions until tomorrow (I never believe it’s really started until my bodies recovered from the night before and the bank holidays have finished).   Today like most days I looked at my Facebook, reading through the posts on what everyone else was going to do 2012 and it seems there is a similar thread to most people – Be Healthy, Try Harder and Make life easier – just the thought of those three together makes me giggle, I mean can we be more obsessed with our eating and fitness regimes whilst working our butts off every minute of the day whilst really making our life any easier? – Personally I think not!

Personally I think resolutions quite often just set us up to fail and ultimately annoyance, that the ideal notion of perfectly meeting our goals is unrealistic.  So this year I have restructured my resolution list in to three categories, I will do, I have to do, and I want to do!

I will write a blog a week

I have to lose 3 stone in weight

I want to be more organised

The lists that come under those headings did go in to pages but those have all been moved in to monthly targets that are like bonus awards – I will benefit from them if I get them but it won’t be the end of the world if I don’t.   Now I think I can achieve those three and I guess this is the first of the 52 blogs you will see over 2012.

So as I left a very wet 2011 and start on 2012 I would like to wish you all a Happy New Year and hope all your dreams come true or a little nearer

Where do I begin on this one well let’s start with this picture, I like it though I can name at least 5 things wrong with it in my opinion, and I  am sure those seasoned  photographers out there would agree it could be better.   So to put the picture in context I wasn’t the photographer at this wedding just a quest and this is just a snap. I think this picture highlights the issue that  I see raised all over the forums and photography groups on Facebook and that is does owning a DSLR camera give you the right to call yourself a professional photographer?  The simple answer is No, yes there are many people who want to make money on the back of being able to take an ok picture, but is that really enough?  A photographer in my eyes isn’t just a someone who stands behind a camera and presses the button they are in essence business men/women, artists, media and publication experts,  designers, entertainers (especially if you take pictures of children) and in many cases historians. Quite a lot to think about just to stand behind a camera don’t you think?  People put their trust in you and it is an honour that each and every one of these people do.

So if I bring this back to me and how I feel about the work I do,  I can take a good picture but if I’m honest I need fine tuning.  I’ve done weddings and shoots on my own and my clients have been happy,  I think I’m capable of a lot more.   I feel I  owe it to myself and those I work for to carry on my development.   I don’t want to go on another course yet, I have defined my style and feel that I want to hand on heart say that I am the best I can be at what I do (now that in itself is a big ask i’ve found the better i get the more critical I am).   So I am going to be mentored by another photographer whose work and honesty I admire.   I know that this journey is not going to be a doddle, after all my work is going to be critiqued, my business is going to be overhauled and no doubt I am going to have to take on new ways of working and I am sure there will be at least one heated debate along the way.    I’m in it for the long haul though so watch this space as I travel this journey of development both personally and professionally.